Break came, and gone. half of the year flew by so quickly, it was like a dream. hong tang 3 was over and i finally had a breather; to Think, to Reflect. this performance was not like any other, it was truely unique.
Perhaps, in the eyes of other people, i was a good performer. however, deep down in my heart, i always knew that i had not gave my best. this crosstalk that I had said was a lot different than my past fews. The purpose of this crosstalk, as my partner had put it, was to win the audience's applause, not their laughter. it was kinda hard to adjust to. However, I did not feel happy while saying it on stage; did not feel happy while practicing it backstage. The happiness you felt for the first time when the script was first given to you, the exciteness to perform it out, was slowly dulled inside my heart as we began the endless rounds of practicing, again and again.
How were actors and actresses be able to completely forgot their script but feel it with their heart? far as i might had achieved with the success in my crosstalk performing, i was not able to really feel that i was living as the character, even a bit, but instead, acting. i remember the times when I performed as dorothy for the wizard of oz. However, it was already 3 years ago that I performed it and at that time, i was still a lower primary student so i might had already forgotten some parts of it. when i was performing as dorothy, i did not even think about myself at all, i just devote all my attention to what is happening in the story and really felt that i was living as dorothy. in reality, i din't understand the script at all at first. that feeling was an undescriberble feeling. To get rid of myself, and live in someone else's shoes, even for an hour, was a pleasure. However, all good things come to an end and unfortunately that feeling too, "came to an end" .
after that, it was hard to find back what i had lost.
What is Happiness?
it is a) a good feeling,
b) a negative emotion
through this few months, i've realised that there are, and always will be two sides to every thing in this world. take for example, when you score high marks for your exam, you will have happiness rite? what if the exam was suddenly cancelled and you won't need to study for that exam for 3 gruelling months. you will also feel happiness rite? so what i'm saying is that sometimes, when something bad happens, you will also feel happiness. is it right to feel that way? ask yourself:)
end year exam is just 2 months away. 2 months= 60days.
although, it might seem like a lot, but in fact, its just round the corner. i've got a feeling that it is somehow going to catch up with me, pressing on me and toppling me over. through the experience of all the common test, iv'e actually gotten a grip, but how firm is it? :)
after my performance, i started reflecting and asking myself questions. why was the audience not responsive enough? what had i done wrong? what needs to be improve on? etc. etc. etc. personally, this performance had not hit my target that iv'e set. in fact, its way below:( were my expectations too high? or was it simply because iv'e not tried enough. i personally believe its the latter. i know myself, i know my limits, and I know, That I Can Overcome it.
IF I WANT TO.
iv'e long admired those people who can constantly push their to their limit, sometimes even overcoming them. i aspire to be like them. However, it seems that i still have a long way to go...
its the end, for now.........
there should be another performance coming up on September if im not wrong. hopefully my reflections help in my next performance! :)